Sunday, September 13, 2015

A Day in The Life of a Badly Fitting Bra

You'd be forgiven for thinking that your bra is out to get you as it pinches and pokes you and leaves your breasts in free fall. But in reality the reason your bra hurts you is that it's desperately trying to fit and it just can't. To give you an idea of what happens when you put on an ill-fitting bra here's a short day in the life of that bra...

Beginning of the Day...
Bra: "OK everyone, it's a new day and today we're going to keep her boobs in one place. Is everyone with me? Straps, Band, Cups, are we ready?"

All: "Yes(ish)!"

Bra: "Band, can I get an elastic report?"

Band: "Elastic cooled to room temperature but stretch damage at 90%. I'm reporting majority of elastic fibers broken or maxed out, Commander."

Bra: "Let's put that 10% of working elastic to the test then Band. Engage band support. Straps, status report."

Straps: "We are reading a 75% degrading of our surface resistance. Likelihood of sliders loosing grip at 80%, Commander."

Bra: "I don't want any slacking on this watch so keep those straps in place soldier. Cups, what's the situation with you?"

Cups: "We appear to have sustained some damage during the last aquatic drill, Commander. We are reporting some increased volume and weakening of the surface tension."

Bra: "I need you to hold it together cups, stand fast. OK, this is it. All stations engage support."

Not Long Later That Same Day...
Bra: "All stations we are loosing support integrity; immediate emergency reports."

Band: "Elastic has heated up to body temperature and we're loosing tension at a rapid rate. We are reporting a 15 degrees increase in altitude up the spine."

Straps: "We also detect the increase in altitude, Commander, and can no longer maintain strap stability. We have lost functionality in the right strap. Strap down, I repeat, strap down."

Cups: "We are loosing altitude, Commander. We are reporting major tissue spillage in left cup and wire malfunction at the gore. We appear to have increased tissue pressure at the sternum. Please advise next steps."

Bra: "All stations, we appear to be having a catastrophic function failure. Advise one of us learns how to write a note for her to get a bra fitting and put us out of our misery."

So the next time you find yourself cursing your bra spare a thought for how hard it's trying to contain your breasts against all odds. If you don't know where to start figuring out what size and style features you need in a bra then our Free Size Consultation is a great place to start. xx